ACQUIESCE to LOVE PEACE GRATITUDE
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I had to do something more drastic in order to find a solution. It looked like I had to go deeper into the past to find answers, that could help me reach some level of tranquillity and peace. It is not very pleasant to dig into the past and remove debris, until the real source of your anxiety pops out like a piece of a broken bone from an archaeological dig.
I had no choice but to begin dissecting the relationship I had with my husband in order to find out why I was so angry. With anger in my heart and mind, I wouldn’t make any progress. The anger and negative thoughts were like pollution that blackened everything inside me. With such anger, I would never find peace of mind or even get closer to finding a solution. I understood clearly that I had to make an effort to release those feelings.
I would go back to the very beginning. I would expose the minutiae details of how everything began and why-from my first impression when I met him, through our years of marriage, to the end of the relationship, thirty-two years in total. I had to stay brave and honest and prepare myself to accept whatever outcome this had, no matter how painful. The calculated words he used to describe the reasons why he had stayed with me those thirty-two years expressed only a small part of the entire picture. There was something else I wasn’t aware of. Probably deliberately or unknowingly, I had accepted it, and that caused the anxiety and anger.
I had no choice but to begin dissecting the relationship I had with my husband in order to find out why I was so angry. With anger in my heart and mind, I wouldn’t make any progress. The anger and negative thoughts were like pollution that blackened everything inside me. With such anger, I would never find peace of mind or even get closer to finding a solution. I understood clearly that I had to make an effort to release those feelings.
I would go back to the very beginning. I would expose the minutiae details of how everything began and why-from my first impression when I met him, through our years of marriage, to the end of the relationship, thirty-two years in total. I had to stay brave and honest and prepare myself to accept whatever outcome this had, no matter how painful. The calculated words he used to describe the reasons why he had stayed with me those thirty-two years expressed only a small part of the entire picture. There was something else I wasn’t aware of. Probably deliberately or unknowingly, I had accepted it, and that caused the anxiety and anger.